So what makes me the person I am and how can I get to be the truest version of myself that I can be? I often ask myself this. Way too often in this day and age we put off being our true selves for a number of reason and they are:

1. To please others so that we will satisfy our universal fear of not belonging
2. To be in a relationship with someone because our universal fear is of not being loved
3. To having a meaningful life where we are known as the person who has worked the long hours and the hard yards to get what so that we can satisfy and combat our universal fear of not being worthy
4. We have all of these core needs that need to be met and so we build our lives around only the obvious core needs and they are:
   • Certainty which involves routine, rituals and a lot of other things that create obvious certainty in our lives. Some of these things are good and some of them are bad.
   • Uncertainty/Variety which involves new challenges, spontaneity, adventure, playfulness, hobbies. These too can be good and bad depending on what they are.
   • Connection/Love which involves sharing things and lives, supporting each other, faith self-worth, self-love, unconditional love, your inner truth, platonic and non-platonic relationships, connection through nature, intellect, spirituality, religion, etc.. These too can be good and bad depending on how much you need them and if they aren’t balanced properly.
   • Growth which involves personal development, professional development, learning for greater opportunities or to master something or to reach our goals. If this need is not put to use in the right, it can be just a useless gathering of information and they need to be applied in our lives and practiced in order for growth and change to occur.
   • Contribution this involves donating to charity, doing charity work, paying it forward if not done properly and with the correct mindset and form the heart can be like you are being a martyr and giving with the expectation of getting something back in return. This too, if not applied in the correct manor can be unhealthy.

So how do we balance all these things that we humans use every day as reasons why we do things? This is where you have to look deep inside yourself and start asking yourself, who am I? What am I really about? What will give my life meaning? What do I enjoy doing? What are the core needs that are dominant in my life and how can I balance them out? What can I do for myself to show that I love and respect myself so that others will love and respect me for who I really am? What boundaries can I put in place in my life that will help me be the truest version of myself I can be? What fears do I have that I need to work on and face in order to get past them? What in my past has driven me to the point where these fears rule my life? How can I work on these fears and move forward with my life? What event in my past has given me the core negative belief that I can’t overcome these fears? What things can I do to change my core negative belief that no longer serves me in my life and replace this belief with a positive belief that does serve me and will move me forward from this fear? Who do I need to be so that I can be true to myself and to have a truly fulfilling, meaningful, peaceful, joyful and loving life? Can I face my fears alone, or do I need help on this journey? If I am unable to change these fears I have, how can I make them work for in order to move me positively forward?

Truly, being yourself is loving and respecting yourself and putting those boundaries up and keeping those boundaries operational throughout your life and not relaxing them because of a negative belief or fear. It is about putting you first above all others, but in moderation. It is about speaking up when something needs to be said in order to make change happen in our lives.

YES speaking up and putting boundaries in place and enforcing those boundaries can be scary and hard, but what is the price you are paying by not doing this? How long can you keep things inside you before they manifest as mental, physical, and emotional illnesses? When will you draw the line? Are you ok to do it alone? If not, who can help you with this?

I have lived a very traumatic and turbulent life. I have lived through things you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy. You will hear about my life’s story when my book cones out later this year. I have learned to put a system in place that helps me roll with the punches and bounce back up again, bigger and better than ever, and to make anxiety work for me. I developed this system over the past 22 years of my life where I had to learn over and over again that if I need help; I have to want to help myself first. It takes 30 days to make a habit and the hardest part of the habit is the first couple of weeks where at any time you can fall back in to your old negative belief patterns.

It is not easy helping yourself and having the willpower to do so, but unless you do, you will be stuck repeating the same negative patterns throughout your entire existence. It took a nervous breakdown in 2008 for me to see this as I was going to all these specialists trying to get them to help me, but when it came to doing my part, I failed at it and the change was not made. Unless you are ready to make that change and to help yourself by facing your past and you’re your fears, then no one else can help you.

I have the utmost respect for most people, as they are incredibly strong and resourceful and can handle a lot of things. People are also unique in that they all have their own values, beliefs and perspectives /perceptions on their lives and what is real in their map of the world. No two people are the same and that is why when you expect to change your life with a system that was built around some else’s life that has worked for them, sometimes it will fail. When it fails, you have to learn the lessons that go with that in order to improve on that system, modify it to suit yourself and your life. Coaching can help open up our mind so that you see all the possibilities and not just the option that is right in front of you.

I want you to know that getting help with your life, although it may not be easy to do, can save your life and give you a new perspective on life if you implement what you have learned from the session. Coaches are not psychiatrists; psychologist or counsellors, we do not concentrate and sit in the past. We look at a way to deal with the past belief or story in the most effective way possible so that we can move you forward to live the life you truly were born to live. We can work transformations if you let us! ©

Copyright © 2022 Lynette Diehm.

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