My journey from people pleaser to where I now live & speak my truth

Why is it so important to me to help people who think they are nobody and have no voice find themselves and know that they have a voice.

Well, the reason for this is that when I was younger, no one ever listened to me and every time I tried to speak up and say what I want and need to say I would get shot down bullied and told that I didn’t know what I was talking about and that I was supposed to stay in a dark corner hidden away from the world. I was always told that what I wanted and that my opinion did not matter and that I would never amount too much. I was told that I was stupid and dumb and that no one could ever love me.

This made me withdraw from the world in to a dark and unloving place inside of me where my insecurities would get fed day and night eating away at me. All I really wanted in this world was to be loved, acknowledged for who I am, and encouraged to grow and change. I desperately wanted to belong, to know that I was enough, and I wanted to be heard and to be seen for the beautiful person I was on the inside.

Because of this treatment, I basically lived in a world where I was a people pleaser, because I want to be loved and to belong and I thought that was the only way that people would love me and want to be around me. I because very good and pushing all of my hopes, aspirations, wants and needs so far down inside of me I became this shell of a person who didn’t know who she was or what she was about, didn’t have any boundaries and couldn’t speak up when people hurt me and because I didn’t know any better, I would forgive people only to have them do the same things to me over and over again hurting me. People treated me like crap and took advantage of my kind nature and my inability to speak up time and time again but that was a familiar way of living for me as I didn’t know any better and that was my comfort zone for a good number of years.

Then something inside of me snapped and all the anger, pain sadness all came pouring up and out of me and I became depressed and negative there was one time that I have never admitted to anyone and I hate admitting it to myself but I just wanted to die. At that point in time, I thought the world would be better off without me as my fiancé had only just had the threesome with my best friend and her husband. I thought I deserved what they did to me and I hated myself for it. The only way I could escape from the pain with to take antidepressant and drink. My life was so full of drama and very dramatic people, angry, disrespectful people who didn’t know how to treat others because their relations and internal dialogue with themselves were shocking.

It took me many years of soul searching to realise that what they had done wasn’t my fault and that I deserved better, that I deserved and was worthy of love and respect. The day I realised that my journey of self-love, self-discovery and independence began. I learnt to speak my truth; I learnt to sing my song; I learnt to love and respect myself. This journey I was on was a very lonely journey at times, although I would never have admitted it to anyone at the time, as I did not know who I could trust to respect me and love me for who I am.

I learnt to become someone new, someone I never knew I could be, and that was me and that was the first time I had completely reinvented myself. I learnt what made me tick, what made me happy, what made me sad, where I needed to improve and the parts of me I really loved and wouldn’t change for the world, I learnt to sing my own song and dance to the beat of my own drum and to be original and I loved it. I learnt to say goodbye to the familiar and the comfort zone that was holding me back and keeping me in that dark and lonely place and to say hello to the early morning sunrises, 4am meditations, 5am exercise routines and all that I found out I really loved about myself. So now I say hello this is who I am and where I am at in life and I will not apologise for being me and if other people don’t like it, then that is their problem not mine as I love the person I am now and the person I can moving towards being in my life. I deserve and am worth of being seen, heard, respected and loved. If you break a boundary of mine and disrespect me in any, be warned that I will not tolerate it and I will speak my truth and you may not like what I have to say.

This is who I am, and I love me! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjxugyZCfuw

It is more the lyrics in this song that I connect with, not the actual video.

I now want to help others on this journey break out of the shackles of the past and be true to themselves and help them shine their own signature light on the world and become all that they can be. ©

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