I remember back many years ago being that person who let her fears over run her life. These were fears of not being enough, not being loved, and not belonging. Although I practically raised myself from the age of 15 and was very independent, I still wanted to belong, loved, and enough for others. Because of this, I was quite the people pleaser, always doing everything others wanted me to do, always bending over backwards for the people around me, always being who and what they wanted me to be.
It wasn’t until after my long term de facto relationship when my best friend and my partner at the time had their emotional affair and cheated on me and my extended family who I was close to took my ex’s side in regard to the breakup, that I realised I no longer knew who I was.
When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t know who I was anymore and had no self-respect and very low self-esteem with no boundaries and not standards and I could not voice my expectations to others as I felt depleted and had no voice. This was the day after my ex served me with legal papers for the house I was paying all the mortgage payments for. I was depressed, and I was in a lot of pain, having been betrayed by family and the two people I held dearest and nearest to my heart.
When I looked at myself in the mirror, there was this depressed, empty, broken-hearted shell of a woman looking back at me that I did not know. While looking at her in the mirror, I cried with her and for her. She was not at all the woman I grew up fantasizing she would be.
She had needs that were shoved so far deep inside of her that it hurt, and these needs were never met by those she loved. She had cried herself to sleep many nights, wondering if this was all she was meant to be and asking why these things had happened to her. Whilst looking in the mirror, it finally clicked for me that if I wanted my life to change, it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and re-invent myself and my life to the way I wanted myself and my life to be.
This was not the first time I had to reinvent myself, as a similar scenario had played out years before that in a prior relationship where my fiancé and my best friend had engaged in a threesome together, which almost destroyed me. This time around I was stronger from that experience but still fell back into the old people pleasing ways of putting everyone else’s needs above my own only to belong, be loved and to be enough for those around me.
I had picked myself up and reinvented my life once before from betrayal by the people I loved the most, so I knew I could do it again. This time was different, as I could see the patterns now and I was so determined not to repeat the same patterns and to learn, grow and change from the experience.
I then promised myself that this time my life would be different. I would be different. I embarked on a self-discovery and self-empowerment journey; I researched what was working for others to make them feel good and satisfied with life and experimented with those things and built up a holistic health system that empowered me to be myself, helped me heal and feel good about myself and supported me through some of the toughest times of my life which were yet to come.
To this day, I still use this system, and I love using it. I am no longer a people pleaser as I have given myself standards, values and expectations and an amazing lifestyle which I love, which has given me self-love, self-respect, and some healthy boundaries in my life. My life is no longer built around other people and what they want but built around me, my wants, my needs, my likes and dislikes, my health, my relationship with myself and others, and my career. I no longer feel weak but strong and loved as true love comes from within one’s self and not from external sources. My life is powerful!
Sure, I still have fears and some limiting beliefs to replace and overcome, but I see them as challenges that I can and will overcome. Life to me now is a journey full of healthy living, self-discovery, change, and personal development.
Here is a news flash for you “being single does not necessarily mean you are lonely and constantly seeking a relationship”. Relationships happen when the universe sees you are ready for one and there is no point looking for one or forcing one to happen. It is incredibly powerful to be yourself and living life on your terms, doing it your way and to stand in your own power of who you are.
If I was the same person, I was back then I would maybe be still be in one of those relationships now but lonely and powerless and constantly letting other people walk all over me to get what they want. I would never have had the career I have now or the strong positive, loving mental attitude\outlook on life and my fears as I do now. I would never have known that I could change lives by my writing and coaching. I would never have met my best friends who is one of the world’s best authors and never have known I could write, as I thought I had no imagination and needed an imagination to be able to write. I realise that the most powerful writing is not about having an imagination but about writing from the heart, from experience and from passion, as these are the things that affect people’s lives the most and inspire people the most.
I reinvented myself on my own, but you do not have to do it alone. I dare you to be yourself, outstanding and unstoppable in your life by reinventing yourself and your life to be the way you want them to be. You can do this because I have done it. It is not easy, but it is possible and very worth it if you are willing to invest in yourself.
If you need help, reach out to me and I can coach you through it as my business Dare To Be You is all about helping you become all that you can be!
I dare you to be YOURSELF, OUTSTANDING and UNSTOPPABLE. Achieve your goals to live your dreams! ©
Copyright © 2022 Lynette Diehm.
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