Have you ever felt really anxious when around other people that your hand would shake, you palms would go clammy and you heart would race a million beats per minute?
If so, do you remember how that felt? For many years from about the age of 7 to my early thirties I was this person. Fearful of judgement, of doing or saying the wrong thing in the presence of others. So I would psych myself up into an anxious nervous mess all because I wanted to fit in, to be liked and accepted by others. This was the worst feeling ever for me.
I remember an experience I had when I was 7 years of age, I called a girl at my church something thinking that thing I called her meant something else. It was terrible because the next thing I knew her parents spoke to my parent, and I got the hiding of a lifetime from my parents when I got home for church that day. Not to mention while at church my parents scolded at me in front of the entire congregation.
They said some of the meanest hurtful things to me and everyone around us looked on at me with very mean judging eyes. I wanted to run and hide but had now where to run to, so I stood there and took the abuse while deep down I was so deeply embarrassed, ashamed and afraid. I knew exactly what they would do to me when I got home that day from church, and it really scared me.
After my parents finished having a go at me and had walked away. I walked past a lot of people to go outside and be alone and as I walked towards the crowd, I could hear them whispering to each other about me and they didn’t even have an ounce of empathy in their voices as they whispered judging and horrible things about me. Not one of them even bothered to ask me if I was okay instead, they shook their heads at me in disgust as I walked past them. Apparently, the other girls’ parents had gone around telling everyone they could that I was a wicked, evil and nasty child and that I called their daughter an unforgivable name which made her cry.
I felt so very alone, angry at myself and my parents, embarrassed and mixed with a lot of negative low-level emotions. I really wanted to find a small dark little hole in the ground and crawl into it and hide away from the world and cry. I wanted to be so far away from judging eyes.
Once I got outside, I took my shoes off and ran away from the church in the hand me down Sunday best clothes from my sister. I kept running for about an hour to calm myself down. When I got back to the congregation were getting ready to leave the church as the church proceedings had finished for the day. After we got home from church that afternoon My parents verbally abused me and hit me several times with the strap saying over and over again that I was possessed and that I was wicked and that I needed to be punished. My dad then dragged me to the bathroom and forced me to wash my mouth out with soap.
From that day forward I was this very shy withdrawn and frightened little girl who whenever she was around people didn’t speak much and tried to please everyone as I had attached emotions and memories form that one event to being around others socially and this made me socially nervous and anxious and to a point afraid to speak up and be myself around other people.
When I was around people after that I would feel nervous, a little lightheaded, my hear would race, my palms would go clammy, and hands and arms would shake due to nerves and being overly self-conscious. I was too afraid to speak up and be myself around anyone but my sister and those I knew really well due to a fear of being judged and punished for it.
I felt like that for many years around people I didn’t know that well this added to the depressive state I was in as a child due to the way I was treated at school by the other children and my family behind closed doors.
It was not until my late 20s to early 30s when I started to turn my life around and dragged myself out of depression from being raped and having to got through trial in court twice that I started to get this social anxiety under control. My holistic health support system which I implemented was a big part of me being able to face the fears and replace the limiting beliefs that no longer served me from that past experience and move forward to where here I am now and who I am now as I learnt to, know, love and accept myself for the person I am now that will speak her mind and be herself around everyone. Part of my holistic health support system are the really awesome techniques below that helped me to tackle my social anxiety.
- Be yourself
- Be confident in who you are
- You do not have to interact straight off
- It is okay to observe others and see how they interact with each other first
- Do not change to fit in or to be what others want you to be
- Take deep breaths in and out slowly for 2 to 3 minutes
- Go for a short 10-to-15-minute walk
- Meditate with a future pace mediation for 10 to 15 minutes
- Get to know people slowly If they like you, they like you. If not, it is their problem and don’t take it personally as there will always be people out there that wont like you no matter what you say or do
- Listen to an uplifting song
- Do some emotional frequency tapping for social anxiety
- Stay calm by visualising how you want things to turn out
- Get coached on it. I have coached people with anxiety before and do it really well as I have lived with anxiety and now manage it very well now in public.
- Shift your thought and perspective on socialising and think of the positive that can come out of socialising with other people especially those you don’t know.
- Research natural remedies for anxiety and try them out – experiment a little with them until you find something that works for you.
Remember the more you get out there and socialise around different types of people and face your fears the sooner the social anxiety will pass to the point where you will hardly notice it being there anymore as it will be an everyday thing to manage it so it doesn’t get worse. It is not an overnight process but in time you will notice a massive difference in the way you feel and think about when out socialising.
In a latter chapter in this book, I will tell you about what is in my holistic health support system and what is in that which will help with Anxiety and nervousness as well. ©
Copyright © 2022 Lynette Diehm.
All rights reserved. No part of this post may be used or reproduced by any means, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
#daretobeyou, #daretobeyouinlife, #daretobeyourself, #selflove, #loveyourself, #empowerment, #love, #confidence, #daretobebold, #daretotouch, #empowerment, #selfawareness, #selfesteem, #selfconfidence, #selfrespect, #selfcare, #care, #daretobeyoucoaching, #mindsetcoaching, #transformationalcoaching, #coachingdaretobeyou, #daretoletsoemoneelsetakethewheel, #daretofaceyourfearsheadon, #daretobetrasnformed, #personaldevelopmentcoaching, #personalcoaching, #daretobehappy, #daretobesuccessful, #daretosucceed, #mentalhealth, #personalgrowth, #selfworth, #gratitude, #Yourself, #Outstanding, #Unstoppable, # Dare To Be You