Let me give you some context here. I have a friend who lives in another city. We regularly speak to each other or text each other through a specific messaging platform. Now, one day this friend of mine decides he would tell me he’s having internet issues and that he cannot use this particular platform to message me anymore and that he can’t get to the photos, documents and recordings that I’d sent through to him in the past through this particular communications platform.
He suggested we use a social media communications platform. Now, this particular social media communications platform does not allow you to send voice recordings, or anything of that nature through to each other for starters if your internet is truly down. Then you will not be using any communications platforms whatsoever. Because the way I see it is for you to be using a communications platform, without the internet is silly as it will not work.
Anyway, he lied to me on that part. And I knew that he’d lied to me, and it hurt.
That day he also decided to message me on that social media platform, demanding that I sent him through the photos the documents and so forth to him through the social media platforms messaging system for this project that we are working on because he can’t get to them through our normal communications platform, because his internet is down. Right.
Now, this day, I was sick, and I couldn’t do it. And I told him I could not do it. I was also working as it was a workday and that all of those files which I had sent to him previously were not just one of my external hard drives but quite a few of them, so it would take me at least a day or more to go through those and search them for the files he needed and that the files probably won’t transfer over to him if his internet is down, anyway. And I will let him know that.
He then called bullshit, which is stupid because, basically, it wasn’t; it was the truth. You know, and him not believing me about being sick and not being able to transfer the files to him that day really hurt me.
Now I don’t hide the fact that I am single to him at all, as he is one of my closest friends and I have never lied to him. He went on and on about me going to dinner, and having a new boyfriend, and that’s why I’m treating him like crap, which is absolutely not the case at all. I do not have a boyfriend, and I wasn’t treating him like crap. It’s just that he had told me one massive lie that his internet was down to get me to do what he wanted when he wanted it and didn’t even ask me he demanded I do it and he knew that I was sick because I told him I was sick but he didn’t believe me, and he didn’t even ask me how I felt the day after either, which any decent human being would do.
I was still pretty sick. That really hurt because he was sending me all these demanding text messages while I was really sick.
At first, I actually got really caught up in the storyline, and what he what he was actually sending across, which may not have been the way that he intended them to come across to me, but they came across to me in such a negative and insensitive light.
So it got to the point with the texting war where we were sending messages through to each other and hurting each other and, it came to the point where I just thought right well, I’ll just apologize for my part in it, and hurting him and then maybe he can do the same, and we can get past this. But he didn’t want to. He still proceeded to send me messages about having a boyfriend and going out to dinner and all this sort of stuff, which honestly is none of his business, anyway. And as I’ve said once before, I am single, and I like being single. I don’t have time to even consider going out on dates or for a relationship, for that matter, at the moment.
And so anyway, I had a look at his messages and I’m like, what am I going to say to this? And then I thought, right, well, I’m just going to tell him I’m stepping away for a couple of days. That I won’t be communicating during that time. So I did message that to him.
He still sent some messages through. I sent those messages he sent to me during that time to the archives, so I didn’t have to see them until I was ready to see them because I needed to get my head around what was actually going on, and I needed to figure out what is going on with him. In particular, and why he was actually treating me that way.
Now, what it came down to in the end is the fact that I had a post up on Facebook, saying that I was going to go to go to dinner with a new friend. And he took it as going to dinner with a boyfriend. So he got really jealous and possessive. He’s never been that way before, so I didn’t know how to take it. I thought right. Well, we’ll just stop messaging each other for a bit, be disciplined and then once we’ve cooled down, and I’ve figured out what I need to say to him and how I need to say it. I’ll get back on to the messaging platform he was sending me the messages through and send him a message to say, look let’s just move positively forward from this.
Coincidentally, all throughout that time, he was still using the old messaging platform and messaging me as well. His internet being down was a load of rubbish, and I don’t know why he even told me that.
In the end, I, I basically formulated a message saying look, I’m really sorry for my part in this and for hurting you, it was not my intention.
You know when we are mad or angry; we say things to each other, which we don’t really mean. So, moving forward, I would like for us to have a more positive conversation.
He messaged me angrily again.
So I stepped away from reading his messages for another two days.
That was when he messaged me with his narcissistic text saying we would not be a good fit anyway and let’s put the relationship conversation away forever.
I messaged after a couple of days saying, Yeah, I’m actually good with that because I’m happy being single. I was not intending to have a relationship with anyone anyway and left it at that.
As I said previously, I figured out that he was being really narcissistic, jealous and possessive because of my post. I found it really odd because I never promised him a relationship, never even alluded to it and all we ever were was best friends. I really thought he knew that. But it became very obvious that he didn’t, and that he wanted more.
It was very difficult at first not answering his messages for a few days, but it was worth it.
Through doing this, I realized things are a lot simpler, without seeing those narcissistic manipulative messages and reacting to them.
It’s difficult having a friendship long distance, and at times those friendships can get strained because you’re not able to constantly talk to them on the phone and you’re not able to go for a drink with them or catch up with them in person. This makes it really difficult to gauge where people are at.
What I’m trying to say here is that by taking breaks when somebody is trying to agitate you or is sending you angry messages it gives you more space to be able to think through and put yourself in their shoes if you need to when you send the next message through. It also gives you the necessary time to figure out what’s going on with them and also figure out what’s going on with you. You may need time and space to think through how you’re going to tackle the situation and how to move forward from there positively.
It’s not always a good idea to respond straight away to people’s messages. And that’s a big lesson for me that I’ve learned in the past few months. I really do sometimes need to take a step back and to leave the messages alone. And respond to them once I’ve figured everything out. Once I’ve actually put myself in their shoes and developed a message that will actually get across in a positive fashion to them.
If you were in the same sort of situation as me, How would you have tackled it?
What would you have done differently?
You know what angle would you have gone, gone to for responding?
Would you have taken that step back and tried to figure out what is next and what is going on so that you can tailor your next message to be less hurtful, move forward positively?
Copyright © 2022 Lynette Diehm.
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