Have you ever felt out of place as though you do not belong in the world? Have you had friends that exclude you from group outings and only contact you when their current plans fall through?
Have you ever felt as though you do not want to burden anyone with your problems?
Have you ever felt that there was something wrong with you because your friends are way too busy for you?
Have you ever felt that your friends only contact you when they want something from you?
Have you ever felt so alone in the world that you start to believe that you do not belong in the world?
Have you ever longed to have real, true, genuine friends that love and respect you and that will do anything for you?
Have you ever joined a hobby group to make friends only to find that the people in those groups already have formed their own clicky little group that does not welcome outsiders?
Have you ever felt unloved in your family because of being treated by family members as though they never wanted or loved you and that they only keep you around because of show or because they need an emotional punching back to take their frustration out on?
Have you ever been a people pleaser simply to belong in the world and hoping that by putting everyone else’s needs above your own that you will be accepted and belong to a group or a family?
If you have answered yes to over half of the above questions, then guess what? You are not alone as over 80% of the population at some part in their lives has felt the exact same way you have or are feeling right now.
Let’s delve in deeper into the human psyche for a while now. The reason we all have thought and felt this way at some point is because of the 3 universal fears. These are the big overarching fears. These fears are:
- Not being loved
- Not being enough
- Not belonging
As a small child, we develop these fears through the experiences we have had. These fears hold us back from doing a lot of things in our lives. These fears have smaller fears grouped with in them. Some of the smaller fear groupings are below:
|Universal Fear||Not being loved||Not belonging||Not being enough|
|Sub fears||Not being lovable||Being alone||Not being perfect|
|Not being able to love others||Being lonely||Not being in control|
|Not being accepted||Not liked||Of being judged|
|Being out of place||Of public speaking|
|Being different||Of being ugly|
|Being odd||Of being weak|
|Being strange||Of being too emotional|
|Being weird||Of failure|
|Not fitting the stereo type||Of success|
|Of standing out||Not being educated|
|Not having enough experience|
The above are just a small portion of the sub fears we have. If I were to list all of them, it would take me at 6 months or more to do so. As you can see from the above that a lot of the sub fears can be used in one of all the overarching fear categories.
Some of these fears are in our heads either conscious or subconscious and some manifest as mental illnesses due to us thinking that our fears are who and what we are, and so we lose our identities through being so caught up in the limiting beliefs that we have made up based on these fears that in our lives.
As children, we are not taught that we can and should work on overcoming our fears. Instead, we are taught that something bad will happen to us if we dare to be bold, courageous, think for ourselves and be who we want to be. We are taught it is selfish to want to put our needs above others’ needs that no one will love us if we are imperfect and have flaws. That we won’t fit in and belong if we are individuals that don’t fit in to society’s stereotyping. If we don’t strive for perfection that we will l never be enough.
Have you ever thought where humanity would be right now if we were taught at a very young age that:
- It is ok to be yourself
- It is ok to be flawed
- It is ok to make mistakes
- It is ok to fall and get back up again
- It is ok to be an individual
- It is ok to not like the same things as everyone else does
- It is ok to show and have emotions
- It is ok not to fit in with the stereotyping of society
- It is ok to have time out and to take care of ourselves
- It is ok to push past our fears
- It is ok to be what you want to be in life
- It is ok to be single in your and not want marriage and a family
- It is ok to love and respect yourself and to have boundaries
- It is ok not to belong to any groups
- It is ok to live the file you want to live and to do the things you want to do
- It is ok to voice your opinion
- It is ok if you are or are not smart
- It is ok to not be good looking and or beautiful
- It is ok to say NO to people and be respected for it
- It is ok to be or not to be ambitious
- It is ok not to be rich
- That you can do and be whatever you want to do and be in life
- It is ok to believe in yourself
- You will be loved, belong and enough, no matter what
- Everyone is worthy of love and belonging
- If you have experienced trauma in your life that it is ok to talk about it no matter what sex you are
- Everyone is equal
- Relationships are a partnership
- Life is an adventure
- Life is to be nurtured and cherished
- You are special
- You are amazing
- To get what you want, you must take action
- You have what it takes
Children should be encouraged to think positively and to want to be their own person who has boundaries and respects themselves and to be loved for it. Not judged, scolded at and ridiculed for it. Let hem be creative but teach them to have honest and to have a true relationship with themselves. Let them grow from their mistakes and bounce back resiliently from them with a greater sense of self-worth and self-love. Empower your children to be the best versions of themselves that they can be! ©
Copyright © 2022 Lynette Diehm.
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