Yesterday I was told that someone else that is doing the same job as me in another state was made permanent. I got told that he would be setting up the processes, procedures, and templates for the projects. Keep in mind that this is something I did months ago for this company when I first started working for them.

At first I couldn’t understand why they would get him to do something I had done months ago for them. I got a little defensive and upset and I felt as though my work that I had done for them wasn’t good enough for them, even though deep down inside I know I did an amazing job for them.

I spoke to one person a couple of hours later that could change my perspective on the way I looked at it as I felt like they had deliberately sidestepped me in to a support role as they didn’t have my particular work because of COVID. He shifted my perspective on it but there was still a little pain there as I wondered why they didn’t sidestep him and get him to do the support role so that I could revamp the PM practice procedures, processes and templates as I knew them best as I had designed, developed and put them in place for them in the first place.

I reached out to some else in the office who I thought I could talk to only to have her compare me to the other person and it triggered something in me that was really painful. It was painful because all my life as a child I was constantly being compared to my sister and being asked why I couldn’t be more like her and when I wasn’t like her, I would get psychologically abused for not being like her.

This brought up feelings of not being enough and not being loved for who I am. I took myself through a defining moment’s visualisation of the very first time it happened in my childhood. I visualised adult self there comforting my 7-year-old me who was sad, hurt, lonely, upset, angry, insecure and afraid. In this visualisation my adult self told my child self that she is loved for who she is that she is enough, that she is special and unique and amazing and that she should not take on board comparisons that other people make of her as she is different and deserves to be loved for the person that she is and that she will grow up to be an amazing young woman, that she should be strong and believe in herself and her abilities and know that she is capable of so much more.

My adult self also told her the comparisons that other people make of you and others is a reflection on them and not her and that she should not take those words on board and whenever people compare her to others in the future know that it is a reflection on their insecurities and nothing to do with her.

After the visualisation finished I immediately felt better, stronger, more confident and secure within myself as a person and my abilities and my unique qualities that I have that make me stand out and be different to everyone else, that make me who I am and I love how different and unique I am as a person. I now have a sense of clarity in my thoughts and how I feel about things. My perspective has now completely shifted.

I may not have been able to clear this up with myself if I did not go through those things yesterday and so now I am grateful for that as being compared to others doesn’t seem to bother me now.

I have also realised that sometimes people don’t realise that their outer world reflects their inner world and that they are trying to shift their own insecurities on to you to make themselves feel better. They don’t realise that their words, no matter how well intentioned they are, hurt others. ©

Copyright © 2022 Lynette Diehm.

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